Since this blog has basically divulged into a discussion of my hobbies, here's the latest:
I recently started watching a show (Killing Eve)--actually I've begun many TV shows, but I digress. This show has basically taken over my thoughts for the past few weeks. The best TV shows (or books, or movies) have characters that resonate with us, and there's one scene in particular that I can't forget.
In one scene, one of the characters is asked to speak about her life with sincerity. She responds that most days, she wakes up and feels nothing, and that it--her life--is so boring. Moreover, she doesn't understand how everyone else isn't bored, too. She tries to find ways to feel something, to make her life less boring--by buying things she wants, or doing things she wants. But she doesn't end up wanting the things she buys, or end up happy with the things she does. Then the monologue kind of trails off.
If you've seen the show... there's a lot more to this scene, where the character reveals some slightly depressive tendencies about how she wakes up and can't believe she has to face another a day, but fortunately I don't share those sentiments so I've glossed over that.
I'm bored, too. There are times when my life isn't boring--like when I travel somewhere (how cliche), or when there's some family drama going on. Or when I read a book (e.g. Anna Karenina) or watch something that really resonates with me. I know I'm incredibly fortunate, but, generally... I, too, spend money on things that don't end up bringing me the happiness I expected by possessing them, or do things that don't actually really make me as happy as I thought they would. I was going through a box of my old clothes the other day... it's funny, I think I dressed almost more stylishly in college yet I had maybe like ten inexpensive outfits. And I was happier then (stressed, but not bored).
I remember I used to meet up with a particular friend nearly every weekend and we'd hypothesize on ways to make our lives less boring. I hope and think she found a way to that end, but I haven't.
I've been bored for a few years now. I worry that I've become complacent with it, and it's hard to imagine ways to make your life less boring when you're isolating at home during a pandemic. I suppose I'm afraid of making the wrong decision to end my boredom and end up worse-off than before.
That must be the trade-off: risk. And actually it's hard to know how bored I really was, pre-pandemic. I spent November-January on my applications and on planning a trip to Mexico City. What did I do in February? Hang out, mostly, I think. Was I bored then? I can't remember. Is it the pandemic that's giving me too much time to think about this? There's a danger to being alone with one's thoughts.
I recently started watching a show (Killing Eve)--actually I've begun many TV shows, but I digress. This show has basically taken over my thoughts for the past few weeks. The best TV shows (or books, or movies) have characters that resonate with us, and there's one scene in particular that I can't forget.
In one scene, one of the characters is asked to speak about her life with sincerity. She responds that most days, she wakes up and feels nothing, and that it--her life--is so boring. Moreover, she doesn't understand how everyone else isn't bored, too. She tries to find ways to feel something, to make her life less boring--by buying things she wants, or doing things she wants. But she doesn't end up wanting the things she buys, or end up happy with the things she does. Then the monologue kind of trails off.
If you've seen the show... there's a lot more to this scene, where the character reveals some slightly depressive tendencies about how she wakes up and can't believe she has to face another a day, but fortunately I don't share those sentiments so I've glossed over that.
I'm bored, too. There are times when my life isn't boring--like when I travel somewhere (how cliche), or when there's some family drama going on. Or when I read a book (e.g. Anna Karenina) or watch something that really resonates with me. I know I'm incredibly fortunate, but, generally... I, too, spend money on things that don't end up bringing me the happiness I expected by possessing them, or do things that don't actually really make me as happy as I thought they would. I was going through a box of my old clothes the other day... it's funny, I think I dressed almost more stylishly in college yet I had maybe like ten inexpensive outfits. And I was happier then (stressed, but not bored).
I remember I used to meet up with a particular friend nearly every weekend and we'd hypothesize on ways to make our lives less boring. I hope and think she found a way to that end, but I haven't.
I've been bored for a few years now. I worry that I've become complacent with it, and it's hard to imagine ways to make your life less boring when you're isolating at home during a pandemic. I suppose I'm afraid of making the wrong decision to end my boredom and end up worse-off than before.
That must be the trade-off: risk. And actually it's hard to know how bored I really was, pre-pandemic. I spent November-January on my applications and on planning a trip to Mexico City. What did I do in February? Hang out, mostly, I think. Was I bored then? I can't remember. Is it the pandemic that's giving me too much time to think about this? There's a danger to being alone with one's thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment