... are coming to an end, today!
It's officially the last day. I've spending a lot of time reflecting on the past decade and how my progress has aligned to my expectations. And, to my surprise - because I hadn't realised it throughout - I am really happy where I am. I have lived maybe too much in these recent years. I didn't take the trips to Australia, New Zealand, Japan that I thought I would but I did get to go to a lot of unexpected places, make friendships - and relationships - I could have never have imagined. I've read a lot, traveled a lot, worked a lot, had health scares and personal tragedy, but it could have all be a lot worse.
Do I have any regrets? Maybe just holding on to things in my past that were not meant for me (still doing). And not enjoying my life in the moment.
It's funny because I think there's one dimension of my life I think I could be doing better in. I went to dinner at a friend's house the other day - in Ramadan. There was another one of our friends there with her 3 week old baby. Throughout the dinner, at least one of the 14+ of us there got up to watch the baby. I realised, at one point in my life, I will be so grateful for the time I have now, alone. I will look back and miss it.
I look back now at my life during the pandemic in Dallas. I was so miserable. But to me now that was very special time with my parents. I didn't realise how limited it was then.
They say you change a lot in your 30s - that you become more relaxed with life. I think what you learn in your 20s is, despite how much you might try to control of the outcome, a lot of life is out of your control. And a lot of things that happen are really unexpected.
I never thought I would be an hour away from Paris. That I'd make Pakistani friends who are like me in London. That I'd get to work on net zero policy. That I'd go to Corsica, the South of France, Sicily... make friends in Thailand, the Philippines, Egypt, Turkey. That I'd have weddings to go to in Istanbul, Russia, Belgium...
Are all these superficial things? Maybe. But they made me really happy.
Am I different person than I was at 20? I'm honestly not too sure. I let go of something in my past. I'm less risk averse. Other than that... I don't know. Someone else could tell me. If anything, my anxiety still comes and goes.
What would I like to achieve in my 30th year? I think I'd like my life to slow down a little. I travel a lot lately and it's less enjoyable when it's so frequent. I'd like to settle in my group of friends and hobbies, and be more comfortable by myself. It will, after all, only be temporary.
But in practicality, I'd like to...
- Increase my income and savings
- Develop new friendships and relationships
- Become kinder
- Be more generous
- Be the best daughter and sister I can be
- Learn golf
- Improve my artistic portfolio (much to come on that)
- Get better at forgetting./ letting go of things not meant for me
- Be more chill overall
